I just can’t seem to do it

So many times, for a long while, years even. I’ve tried to tell myself to do something.
Blog every day. Go out for a walk at a specific time. Drink three times a day.
But everything I just cannot seem to do it, I can’t seem to find the motivation or the will to do it.

There’s this thing while I always tell myself, force myself to do something. “Have to. Have to. Do it. Do it. Do it.” Always force that in my mind while I do something, But I can’t even do that anymore. My willpower is getting weaker, my will to do anything is getting weaker. I wouldn’t call myself depressed I just… Can’t bring me to do anything. Everything I do, when I do something for me. I feel selfish and get worried about how other people will react, even if it’s just making myself something to eat. Leaving the butterknife unwashed.

I’ve promised myself so many things. And now. I’ll just stop. I’ll stop promising things to myself and others. Because I can’t keep a promise.

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