Faceless

Taking part in the one-word prompts and this one is: Faceless

Now the first thing I came to think of is faceless in World of Warcraft. Those old god minions, but this is not a gaming blog, I’m not nobbel87 so I won’t bring them up, but there’s another thing that sticks in my head. Something else that I think about when it comes to faceless, and no, it’s not game of thrones either. I love that show but this is about… My ex. Sort of. I suppose he seems to be the main subject of this blog but here we go.

There’s a song I love, a song I related to that I call ‘my own personal theme song’. Something that suits me so perfect, the song made by Daughter, called Youth.
So I’ll be going on about that song now…

“Shadows settle on the place, that you left.” I was raised in a bigger town than I live in now, and that place I left with my mother after some family drama. It was just her and me leaving everything behind and start a new life.
“Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.” – Have you ever looked at something and what usually should be your desk with a lamp, your teddy bear, and your alarm clock? But you see nothing, everything is empty and have no meaning for you. That is the worse kind of feeling.
“From the perfect start to the finish line.” My perfect start was starting on square one with my mother again when we moved. We started our life and it was a great start on something new, my finish life I created for myself. A life with him, happily together with a job and a child… And a dog, we were going to get a dog and a few pets.
“And if you’re still breathing, you’re the lucky ones.
‘Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.” This is very known to many who’ve been through pain, pain that makes you unable to breathe and all you can do is heaving, trying to get air and relax. But something grabs a tight hold onto your chest and you can’t get in any air. And even if you get it in it’s hurtful to exhale. It hurt to breathe.
“Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong.” All those times you count on your finger for each relationship you’ve had. And In my case, my relationship with him is the one that hurts the most. It went wrong somewhere and I want to fix it.
“One day we’ll reveal the truth.” One day, maybe he’ll find all this, he’ll know all this pain that’s caused by this and my desperate attempts to make the pain go away.
“And if you’re still bleeding, you’re the lucky ones.
‘Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.” The progress of some while going through a heartbreak. You get angry, then you get sad and then desperate and broken… After all those feelings, after feeling so many things in one go. You feel nothing, you feel numb and there’s nothing to catch your interest. No one, to catch your interest. You don’t feel anything
“Collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home,
It was a flood that wrecked this… And you caused it.”¬† I don’t want to point any fingers and blame someone other but me for this pain I’m going through. But all the memories and the tears I cry. It’s destroying me. I used to think ‘nothing can ever get me as long as I have him.’ My him and everything is gone now, it’s taken away from me and it hurts.
“Well I’ve lost it all, I’m just a silhouette,
A lifeless face that you’ll soon forget.” That’s what I get the word from, what I’m thinking about when I heard that. What I believe I am to him, a faceless someone, someone that he forgot. Someone that he no longer have to trouble himself with, someone that will never ever answer me… At least I think so. And saying think is just my way of coping and believing the fact he’ll be back.
“My eyes are damp from the words you left,
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.” The words he said that still hurts me to this day, a word that repeats and loop themselves to me… Him picking her, him wishing us to be friends and him coming for me when it’s time. I don’t think he’ll do that anymore, but there are so many things. If he could see me now. I’m better now than I was then if he could just give it a chance.
“And if you’re in love, then you are the lucky one,
‘Cause most of us are bitter over someone.” It’s indeed if someone is in love, they are lucky. I want to be in love again, I want to be in love with someone and move on, but I can’t seem to do that. It’s so much harder than one may think, many with broken hearts may understand this pain, I don’t think I’m the only one. But I can’t find the will to be with someone, fight for them and love them. I try but no one can take his place.
“To distract our hearts from ever missing them.” Most of my relationships after him have been me trying to distract myself, make myself forget about him. They haven’t been because I love someone, it’s just because I’ve been desperate not to feel the pain.
“But I’m forever missing him..”

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