I was away to talk to a person, met someone who’ll help me get on my feet once more. And we talked about the way I spoke about myself, I described myself using the word ‘Useless’. And he reminded me how strong of a word it is, and I realized it really is. But it’s still the word I use to describe myself. And he wrote on the whiteboard, first asking if we could do something a bit more difficult. He wrote on the top with big letters ‘Positive traits’. And as soon as I saw that my world crumbled. It’s so easy to talk about yourself in a negative light, but positive. I couldn’t come up with one and I was doing so hard trying to create one positive trait about myself. I thought ‘I’m nice’ but that, I wouldn’t count that as a trait but he did. Then again, what goes against my niceness is how cold and rude I can be too. He told me that everyone got those sides but now we’re focusing on the positive not the negative.
This is what he wrote on the whiteboard. He describing me, what he thinks I have and how he sees me. And I must admit. It was really interesting and I actually kind of agree with it all. With a pinch of salt.
- Well turned/Silver tongued
- Emotional contact
- Caring and understanding
Those are the ones he used to describe me. Looking back at it now I feel full of myself. But I can say, I’m caring, I am understanding. And wise doesn’t mean directly that I’m book smart. I can’t tell you the date of Martin Luther’s death. Or something like that. But he brought that up because I said that many have different ways of seeing things, you should never compare one’s well being to someone else, everyone got their limits and their problems they believe are huge but others may be like “Eh, that’s nothing.” And that’ll push that person down and make them feel worse about themselves.
All my positive trait that was brought up are connected to emotions. And when it comes to emotions I must say I’m well… Well educated at.
Talking positive about yourself is really difficult, it’s really hard to try to filter out all your negative emotions, that little devil you have on your shoulder whispering to you, telling you how fat you are, your face is ugly, your body is shaped weirdly, you are useless, you can’t think you care nothing. It’s hard to ignore it and try to think about all the positive to yourself.
I use that devil in advantage to write my feelings and explain. I always thought I just chatter on, so it surprises me that I do make sense to some people.It was a really interesting day, and I’ll be seeing him in three weeks again. On Friday I get some company, so I don’t know how I’ll be posting then for about two weeks. We’ll see. I’ll promise myself or anyone else nothing.