Haven’t blogged

There’s not many or any that actually reads my stuff so I haven’t felt too bad about not writing anything. But the reason that I haven’t written anything is that I haven’t had that feeling. The feelings I hate so much, feeling of heartbreak.
Did I move on? I’m way too scared to actually answer that question truthfully. I’m scared that it will be false no matter what I say, so I guess that’s a way to say I don’t really know. But I do know that the guy I’m with now, actually I really really like. I love that man and it’s stronger than I’ve felt before, I think.
I’m still scared of saying something like that for fear of it being incorrect, or me sounding rude, I’m not too sure. My feelings are very confusing but I know for sure that I want to be with this guy and that he makes me happy.
Plans are to move in with him next year if it feels right, next summer.  But this summer I’m going to see him for four weeks. I’m scared of the trip I’ll take but I’m sure it will all be fine once I’ve gotten it over with.

I started this blog to get out all my hurting and breaking feelings, but I haven’t felt those anymore. And I think that’s because I’m distracted by the one I’ve got now. He’s a sweet caring man, and I’m very happy I’ve got him in my life now. But since I don’t have the feeling anymore, I don’t know what to write about, I don’t want to stop but there’s nothing for me to tell anymore.

Honestly, I’m glad the feeling of break and heartache is gone, but it feels strange. It’s something so new, it doesn’t even feel like me anymore. Something that’s so alike to who you are but once it’s gone, you sort of miss it? No matter how terrible it was to you, no matter how much pain it caused. It was in your everyday life and now you have to live without it and honestly, as great as it sounds, it’s still something that feels amiss if I am to be honest.

Last time I felt this hurting feeling is when I had the dream again. And when he was in my head causing the pain he’ve done so much before. It was so different, I hated myself for having let him in, he’s not welcomed anymore. And I suppose that’s great progress. It’s really new to me to live on without feeling the constant pain and hearing my heart break every night. I haven’t had another dream, I haven’t had a thought. And I’m fine with that, if I am to be honest.

Once more, I’ll try to write daily, it’s something I want and I do have another thing I wish to write about tomorrow. I’ll start to write about it today just so I don’t forget.

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