I must admit this sounds like the most stupid thing, I would have gotten annoyed if a twenty two year old came up to me and says she was scared because she was getting old.
But then I guess I am a hypocrite for freaking out a bit on my own, while I do know many have the same problem even in later years, not just. “Oh im 18 and I don’t know what I want to be, life goes under.” But there are older people, 25, 37, 44, 60 and whatnot that got the same problem, that still don’t know what they want to do.
I sat in bed and just thought of so much I want to do. Go lawschool, get a science degree, study medicine, become an actress. There is so much things I want to try on and do, I want to be, but I’ve just realized how fast the years go by and I’m scared I won’t have the time to do what I really want to, I don’t know when I can actually start.
And I know many will just think ‘just do it, just get to it, nothing stopping you’. But that is actually not always true, if you don’t know the story or what goes down with the person in question I don’t think you have the right to say that, sure it’s good to encourage someone but it can be too much, too.
I’m waiting to see if they will approve of me being put on a benefit that will last for 3 years, to help me get on my feet since I’ve had great problems with getting it together. But I’m not sure if they will provde me to study… Is why I don’t know if I can do what I really want to do, there is other activities they will encourage me to do but, I just know _I want to study_ I want to learn and be everything. But even if I get those years and when i can go study again… Let’s say Ill be 26, since I’m turning 23 in april, and I still got a few months to wait.
So I’m 26, but I don’t have a dregree since I dropped out of high school. Meaning I have to study those up, first. Adding another three years. 29.
29 and I can finally study what I want… It’s still young but I don’t think it’s enough for me, seeing I also want a family.
I want to hang out with my friends, I want a family, I want a child, I want a complicated well paid job, I want to study and always learn new things everyday. I want so much! But I simply don’t think I have the time to do everything I want. I want to do something that can help others in the long run, if it’s just something to ecourage or make your day or whatever. I want to do something that means something.
What freaks me out so much is when I see online, on facebook or other social medias how these young people just… Post about how they have reached goal at age 19, dream house and education, with their ‘boos’. Sure, well good job, congraulations. But not everyone got it that lucky or easy.
I never knew what I wanted to do before now, Now i know I want too much. I guess I’ll do everything I can when I can, and just hope I find something that makes me happy. Work somewhere I don’t hate, oh yes. You can actually have a job you enjoy. They don’t have to be stressful, boring something you hate. You don’t even have to start with that sort of job, I for sure will not. This is just getting really frustrating to try to explain, not gonna lie.
I’m 22, I have no edcuation, no interest that really sticks out, no job, living with my mom… But I am engaged. So I’ve got that going for me!
I don’t know, it’s probably a lot more I have on my mind but this will have to do for now, I suppose.